


To Stay

by hunters_retreat



Category: Numb3rs
Genre: M/M, Needy Charlie, Sibling Incest
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-04-09
Updated: 2014-04-09
Packaged: 2018-01-18 17:57:46
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,891
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1437445
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/hunters_retreat/pseuds/hunters_retreat





	To Stay

He could see the way Charlie slumped in on himself, the way his shoulders caved and his entire body seemed to limp as he sat hard on the seat behind him.

It was good news, Don reminded himself, but he barely had the frame of mind to ask when they could see their father. He nodded at the doctor’s reply and as the doctor left he had the fleeting hope that he hadn’t given the man the impression that he didn’t care enough to pay attention. It was just that there was something else of immediate concern and only the people that knew Charlie the best would understand that.

Which was why Larry was at his former student’s side, talking softly in his ear, no doubt saying something about the heaven and stars or some other heavenly thing that Don only heard about when he eavesdropped on their conversations. Charlie was always so confident with Larry, so sure of himself and his math and the world that revolved around it. Don hated that their own relationship was always clouded with doubt and uncertainty.

He took a deep breath, trying to put himself together a little before he had to be stronger, had to be the man that Charlie needed him to be. It was a role he’d played well over the years, some years better than others, but the fact that Charlie would still lean on him after it all said something.

“Chuck, it’s okay.” He said, walking over and taking the seat that Megan vacated for him. He thought he was the only one in the group that understood what Megan saw in Larry. He was the only one that could see the beauty in the way he wrapped his brain around something and how his brilliance left him with these amazing gaps that left you with the saying ‘to know me is to love me.’ He saw it in Charlie all the time.

Charlie looked up at him when Don placed a hand on his back, rubbing in soothing circles the way he use to as a kid. He’d done it a few times too when their mother had been dying and he’d found Charlie out in the garage, exhausted to the point where he was incoherent but unable to stop his brain long enough for fear of what might creep into his thoughts if he did. He’d rubbed his back until he’d fallen into dreamless sleep and he’d woken more refreshed than at any other time. He’d hated it at the time, that his touch would comfort Charlie when he wanted his brother to suffer for what he was doing, but he’d been drawn to do it anyway, to take care of his brother when no one else seemed able to get through to him.

“Doc says we can go see him in a few minutes and you’ll see he’s okay.”

Charlie nodded, his eyes asking Don for something he wasn’t sure he had, wasn’t sure he even knew how to answer, but damned if he wasn’t about to try.

“Come on. Let’s go get some coffee while they’re getting Dad settled in his room. We’ll probably be able to see him by the time we get back.”  

Charlie didn’t really answer, but when Don pulled at his little brother’s arm, Charlie moved with him. He gripped Don’s arm tight and he didn’t bother trying to pull away. He felt comfort from the way Charlie clung to him, like he could do this, even if he couldn’t keep their Dad safe from something as simple as a speeding car running a red light.

 

**

 

The coffee had been horrible (until David and Colby showed up with something real) and the wait had stretched out. Apparently the hospital’s idea of a few minutes and the FBI’s were two completely different things. When they let them back, their father was still drugged, but they were reassured by his easy smile and the concern that peppered his words, always the father making sure his boys were taken care of.

Their father stayed awake for a while, but then the drugs and the day’s events took their toll and he feel into a deep sleep. They sat at his side until the nurses kindly told them visiting hours were over. Don might have fought it, but when he looked over at Charlie he didn’t bother with even a token resistance. Even if he’d won the round with the nurse and got permission to stay, he needed to get Charlie out of there.

It wasn’t hard. Charlie was in his head already, working something through that Don wasn’t ready to try to grasp yet. Instead, he slipped behind the wheel of the car and let the familiarity ease him until he felt the tension in his shoulders relax a little and the pressure at the back of his head release. He didn’t think about where he was going, just kept the car running towards the house they’d grown up in.

He manhandled Charlie into the couch in front of the television with the game his father had saved for him playing quietly. He dropped a beer in front of him, taking a long pull from his own as he did so. “Gonna grab a shower Charlie.”

Charlie didn’t answer, didn’t respond in any way so Don crouched down in front of him. “Charlie?” He bumped his knee until his brother’s eyes met his. “I’m gonna hit the shower.”

“Yeah.” Charlie nodded and his eyes were back on the television but Don knew it was only numbers he was seeing. He just hoped the numbers didn’t include P because he didn’t think he could handle that just yet. He didn’t think he could ever handle that again.

He jumped in the shower, letting the hot water relax him even further. There was a lot to be said for the new shower head Charlie had bought (and Dad had installed) and he let the warmth wash away the demands of the day. He took longer than normal, just soaking up the heat, letting go of the guard he’d kept up since he got the news. When he got out of the shower he’d still have to be the big brother, still have to be the one that got them through the worst of it. He didn’t begrudge that fact, but it was fact all the same, and if a few tears slipped down the drain with the rest of the water, Don wasn’t going to admit it to anyone anyway.

It wasn’t until he was out and changed into clean sweats and a tee shirt that he realized the house was too quiet. He ran a hand over his short hair and walked quickly out to the living room to find the game muted, but his brother gone.

He already knew where Charlie was, didn’t even bother looking for him in the house. Don leaned heavily against the back of the couch for a second, his hands gripping it tight as he took a deep breath, steeling himself against his brother’s mental anguish before he made his way out.

He walked into the garage quietly, not wanting to disturb Charlie, but also needing a few minutes to gauge his brother’s state of mind. He watched Charlie throwing numbers up on the board faster than Don could even think them, his fingers sure and strong as he moved from one side of the board to the next.

His face was flushed and his lips moved in a song that only he could hear. He had changed into other clothes at least, Charlie was sensitive to the smell of the hospital, always had been. He was barefoot though, barefooted and the shirt he wore was on the wrong side of too small which made him bare-chested for all it hid.

Don stilled the thoughts in his head because now really was not the time for his libido to take control. Charlie needed him, needed his big brother to help him out tonight, not some lecher who coveting something he could never have.  

“Charlie.”

Charlie jolted around, startled by Don’s interruption and that at least gave Don a small reason to smile. If Charlie was this easily distracted he just might be able to talk him into his bed sooner rather than later.

“Don.” His brother came closer, too close really and Don could see not only the red eyes, but the track of tears that clung to a bit of chalk that Charlie had swiped over his face.

Don didn’t hesitate, but pulled Charlie close, like he could keep him safe from it all if he just had him in his arms. Every instinct in him told him he could, but he knew better. Don’s arms were just as treacherous for Charlie as the rest of the world, maybe more so, but Don was well practiced at keeping himself in check.

He felt Charlie dissolve against him, his arms clutching at the back of Don’s shirt as he tried to keep hold of himself. He was with Don though and even when they fought he knew he was safe. Don tucked him in a little closer, but suddenly Charlie was pushing away.

“No.” He said firmly and Don had to clench his fists to keep from reaching for his brother again. “No. I can’t … you don’t get it.” He said angrily, walking back to the chalkboard.

“Charlie, it’s alright. Dad’s fine. He’ll be home in a few days.”

“And what if he wasn’t Don?” Charlie demanded. “What if he wasn’t okay, what if he was gone Don?”

“You can’t do this to yourself.”

“That’s the point. I have done this to myself. If Dad is gone then …” A sob broke through the anger, but before Don could try to step up again Charlie was swallowing it down and pressing forward. “If he’s gone I lose everything that matters to me and I did that to myself.”

“What are you talking about Chuck? You have the house and your teaching, your math and your friends.”

Charlie looked at him for a minute and he shook his head. “You’re right. You are, of course you are.” Charlie said as he dropped the chalk into the tray and walked past Don without looking at him. “Just going to bed.”

Don stood there a moment longer looking at the math on the board and wondering what the hell that had all been about. It didn’t fit though. Charlie was doing numbers and his numbers rarely ever led him to the wrong conclusion. That he’d given up so quickly could only mean one thing. He just didn’t want to fight with Don about it. Whatever he’d decided in that calculation, however he’d convinced himself that he had nothing without their father, he still believed it.

Don shook his head and walked back into the house. As much as he wanted to sleep, he had to see to Charlie first, find out what was in his brother’s head. He approached his brother’s room a lot like he’d taken to the garage. The room though was just a place to sleep to Charlie, unlike the garage which said more about Charlie and his life than anything. He pushed the door open, the latch giving way as it had for years, ever since that time Charlie had taken one of Don’s toys and Don had thrown himself into it, jarring the lock enough that it’d never held the same again.

Charlie had stripped his shirt off, the fabric bundled in his hands as he buried his face in it. Don wanted to slide onto the bed beside him and offer comfort, but he didn’t think Charlie could take it just yet. “Charlie.”

His brother looked up and there was something fierce and wild in Charlie’s eyes, something he’d only seen a few times in his life. “No Don. Don’t try to make me think this is okay. I did this to myself and I know it. I just … I have to find a way to make it better.”

“Alright. Tell me what I can do to help you.”

Charlie looked at him like he might be crazy and Don was starting to think maybe he was, because he didn’t get any of it.

Charlie looked down at his hands again. “If something happened to Dad, I’d lose you too.”

“What?” Don was too startled by the words to even begin to work on comforting his brother. Was that really what Charlie thought of him?

“You come to see Dad and you come to see me to work on files but what happens the day the FBI decides it doesn’t want a civilian consultant on its cases? What happens when that dries out? I did the math Don. Before the FBI cases started coming, we barely knew each other. If that dried up, at least you’d come to check on Dad and I could learn to live with that, with just being able to see you every so often, but if he was gone?”

Charlie buried his face in the shirt again and it was only then Don realized it was his shirt, an old one he’d left and thought thrown out a long time ago. And there was Charlie, sobbing into it like it was everything in the world because he thought Don would leave him.

“Jesus Charlie.” He said, finally breaking out of his stupor and sitting down beside him. He let one hand rub circles over his brother’s back. “Don’t know where you got your answer, but your math is all wrong this time.”

“No, it’s not.” Charlie turned to look at Don, his eyes blood shot. “What’s really changed Don?”

He really must be crazy, Don thought as he felt his free hand moving up to cup his brother’s face. Charlie was in pain though and Don was losing his ability to continue lying to his brother. Charlie would never hate him for it, would never judge him in the ways most people would, but Don had no hope of reciprocated feelings. Charlie needed it though, needed to understand what it was that kept Don coming around all the time.

“This changed.” He said quietly, bringing Charlie closer to him as he brushed his lips lightly over Charlie’s.

Charlie gasped against his lips but before he could pull away and try to explain himself, Charlie was pushing against him, pushing him hard enough to send him back on the bed. Charlie followed and as Don opened his mouth to explain, to try to let Charlie know that he would never hurt him, Charlie’s mouth was crashing into his, his hands holding Don down like he thought he might try to escape. It was ironic really because the only place Don wanted to be was right where he was.   

Don pulled away, trying to catch his breath and Charlie looked like he was about to run. Don figured he didn’t look any better himself. “Charlie, just… slow down buddy, okay?”

“Don…” he seemed to come to himself again and Don watched as Charlie pulled back in on himself, trying to block himself off. “I’m sorry. I don’t know what-”

“I do.” Don stopped him. He looked away from Charlie for a minute, needed to get himself under control before he botched the whole thing. Because he did know what Charlie was doing, as hard as it was for him to believe. He moved to the top of the bed and then pulled Charlie with him. It was more manhandling than anything else because his brother really wasn’t cooperating, but Don had figured it out and he wasn’t going to stop until Charlie understood too.

He pressed his lips to Charlie’s once more, just a bare brush of lips but enough to get Charlie to really look at him. “Not going anywhere.” He confessed.

“But… my equation…”

“Think you missed some data Chuck.”

“Yeah?”

“Yeah. Like the fact that I love you and I’m not going anywhere.”

Charlie pressed up, lips meeting lips and when he settled back, he rested his head over Don’s heart. “Stay tonight?”

“Of course.” Charlie’s fingers reached out, intertwining their hands as Don felt his brother take a deep breath.

“I never would have said anything Don.”

“I know Charlie.” Don said, knowing how close he and Charlie had come to never knowing what the other felt. “Good thing for you, I have a weakness for math geeks.”

He could feel Charlie smiling against his chest, feel the way his little brother was relaxing.

“Don’t think anymore Charlie. Let’s get some sleep. We’ll go see Dad in the morning and we’ll figure the rest out.”

Charlie nodded, but Don could tell he was already half out of it. He smiled as he looked down, then kissed the top of Charlie’s head. His brother would always try to complicate things with math, always try to prove things one way or another. It was a good thing for him that he had Don around. Don sucked at math, but he knew Charlie better than anything. Charlie could find the math to make this work eventually, but until then, Don was there to prove to his brother that he was there to stay.

 


End file.
